Missing the other half under my missletoe.

Christmast.
Is suppose to be warm, happy and wonderful.
But for some loners,
it's just them spending christmast in a bar, getting wasted.
Or just having christmast dinner by themselves.
It's a very sad feeling.
Unlike me,
I went out for christmast dinner with my family.
And yet,
I still feel like I'm a loner.
It's devastating really, just having the thought of being alone.
I really don't know how much longer I can hold it together.
I need a person!
I'm so tired of the loneliness.

Then there's him and him.
I can still see him in the back of my head, every single time I closed my eyes.
Dreams of him, pictures, and memories of our past filled my mind everynight in these past few days.
It's really driving me crazy!

And then there's another him.
Who I'm starting to adore.
But yet, he knows nothing of it.
It's like liking someone from a far away distance and keeping my mouth shut.
Everytime I said to myself, I should just let this go.
Because being with someone like him is never gonna happpen.
I'm not even his type.
Seriously, I'm like SO THE OPPOSITE of the type he usually likes and prefers.
I'm stupid.
I can't do anything right.
I can't be someone else.
And I hate myself for that.
I'm sorry about the past.
Please forgive my stupid stupid past, which I really wished I can take it all back.



It's just another bad karma. I guess..