A femilar place.

My gosh.
It's been soooo long since I've touch my blog! 
There's been too much happening in my life.
As I grow older the more complicated things get.
The more headaches I get! Ughh.
I found out that I own a leadership trait which my friend told me because she knows feng-shui.
Shocking right? haha!
I didn't know until my friends made me realize it.
Guess it's kinda true. *blush


I'm currently doing my second year in pre-U in a diploma program. 
Probably graduating next year.
So it's two more semester to go!
Time flies so fast!
I made friends and I lost some as well.
Learned new things and grow one step at a time.
It's a real roller coaster!

I'm stronger than before.
Ain't so shy like I used to be.
Braver to go out into the society and face people I don't know.
Because I met someone that gave me wisdom about life that I decided to change.
My mom claim that I'm a workaholic.
I like to take part-time jobs in roadshows or fairs.
Because I kinda enjoy working and earning my own money now.
Learning to be independent instead of leaning on my parents to give me cash to use.
When they say money doesn't grow on trees, I can understand why.
Money is hard to earn.
So I'm trying to minimize my monthly spending on clothes and girls stuff to save money.
Haha. I sound so old now.
For now this is just what I have to say.
Stay tune :)

The me now :)

 

Story of how we got together :P

I remember it all too well to be forgotten of how we ended up together.
It was a Friday night 16th July 2010.
We went out to for badminton with other friends.
Your kept on bullying me because I'm not very good at badminton :)
And then we went for dinner,
we went to Classic to play pool.
There I confess the feelings that I've been locked up inside me about my current relationship.
The guy was giving me a hard time.
He wasn't understandable of me.
And it was hard to communicate with him either.

You and Jeff kept on giving me advices about confronting him about it.
But I wasn't up to it because I'm too chicken-ish.
But from there I had a change of heart even before Friday I was already head over heels for you.
It was a secret that no one else knew.
From the day on, I felt that you might feel the same way about me too.
But I doubt it though because I got no chance to be with you.
So before we all went home, I invited you, Jeff & Wilson to Kasih Sayang the next day * Saturday *
You picked me up from school the next day with Wilson hiding trying to pull a prank on me =P
You wore a Yellow Mickey Mouse shirt that you got me on my 17th birthday * in white *
After school we went to City Mall for lunch.
Jeff went with Wilson and I went with you :)

We left your car at Jeff's house and we took his car to go my house and up to Kasih Sayang.
When we reached there, I helped you guys took some pictures.
By the time you guys wanna go home, I wasn't willing to let you go :(
I wished you would stay here with me but I know better.
But then the mist are starting to add up and it's dangerous for you guys to drive down.
So I kept on begging for you guys to stay because I wanted to spend more time with you :)
And in the end you guys are forced to stay * heee heeeeeee! *
There I felt it again about you feeling the same way as I did,
because you were even more caring of me than you did before.
So I got abit attached to you then.

I kept on following you around the house that we stayed.
Then only I realized that I really really like you! :)!
But then I was still upset about my current relationship but it was not a big deal though,
because you make me forget about what's happening.
It's undescribable the feelings you make me feel.
So happy, so relax, so calm ^^
We drank a couple of bottles of San Miguel and I got kinda drunk.
And I started to complaint again why is my life so horrible.
Why doesn't he understand me.
All the whys and what.
But you just sat beside me and make me laugh all night :)
Then you guys are tired so you went to your room and I followed =P

You guys were talking about 3 girls or whatever it is that has the number 3 in it.
I wanted to know but you guys didn't let me.
You slept on the hard bed which was your bed,
and I just sat beside you playing with your things.
And then I lay beside you on the bed.
It felt comfortable, warm to be beside you :)
I wanted to stay there longer but I can't because of my headache :(
So I left and went to my room and kept thinking do you feel the same way too?
I woke up early in the morning the next day.
Waiting infront of your door waiting for you to wake up to talk to me :D

By the time we're all packing up and leaving.
You guys decided to go watch a movie after getting home and shower.
So I agreed :)
The whole day I spent with you,
it was so precious to me that you didn't even know of.
Then I thought to myself maybe I do have a chance with you because I kinda feel that you like me too :)
So I went back home, alone.
And I open msn and you came to chat with me.
You asked me how to deal with my current *guy* and I don't know how to deal with it.
But eventually I did deal with him and I ended things.
So then I told you and then you pop the question.
You said " 你愿意跟我在一起吗？" I was so happy that I didn't know what to say!
Of course I said yes la :P!!

We've been together for 8 months & 13 days and we've been through alot and I never want us to end :)

I'm sorry love.

I can't believe that I caused you pain.
That I made you lost trust in me when you've already trusted no one else except me.
But I did it for a reason.
Never wanted to be the one who ruined your happiness.
But guess now I did..
I'm truly am sorry for that love.
Really wished that I wasn't so sensitive.
But it's just hard for me not to be sensitive around you.
You have to understand that I can't just cry in front of everyone else.
It'll make you look stupid.
Please..
I'm begging you.
Don't stop trusting me.
I swear to you that I won't lie to you anymore!
I'm really sorry that I've upseted you love.
It wasn't on purpose.
Really hope that you'll regained my trust in time..

Such ignorants.

God gave everyone friends.
And it's up to us to keep them with us.
But in situations, it's not that easy.
For an instants, when your forced to choose between your friends and your partner.
Things just won't mix up and solve the problem.
And in the end your teared up in half.
So the war has began, and it's happening to me.

I have a couple of best-friends who I love to hang out with sometimes.
But sometimes I seriously hate how the way they treat me.
Maybe I look like a weakling to them.
So what?
It does not give them the right to bully someone like me.
The word sisters.
Is referring to true girl friends.
And now, I don't even understand what I really have now.
Are they or are they not my sisters?
Well it seems like they're not.
The word sister that comes out from their mouths says so.
But to me, it's only a huge fraud.
Lacking of girl friends, but not liking the ones I have.
It's hard to be human.
Friends that doesn't think about your feelings when they joke about you is a friend who doesn't deserved to be called YOUR FRIEND.
Though they might be fickel-minded, but they should have known any better than to make fun of others.
It's not funny when your the person that they make their jokes on.
It's rude for me.
Friends that doesn't know how to put themselves into your position is a kind of friend that doesn't know how to understand you.
Put yourself in my shoes for an instant and see what decision would you make.
Give me a break!
Can't I spend more time with someone I love rather than someone who I see almost everyday?
It's just not fair.
And being insulted with the sentence 中色情友.
Is just not fair to me.
I said sorry.
But they took my apologies as a joke.

So you see, I don't know who to talk to anymore.
And I rather be dead then be sharing secrets with them.
Because if I did, they're just gonna talk bad about it.
Screw the ones who say that your their friend.
It won't be long now, because we're all gonna leave each other soon.
And then I wouldn't have to worry about them insulting me again.

Missing the other half under my missletoe.

Christmast.
Is suppose to be warm, happy and wonderful.
But for some loners,
it's just them spending christmast in a bar, getting wasted.
Or just having christmast dinner by themselves.
It's a very sad feeling.
Unlike me,
I went out for christmast dinner with my family.
And yet,
I still feel like I'm a loner.
It's devastating really, just having the thought of being alone.
I really don't know how much longer I can hold it together.
I need a person!
I'm so tired of the loneliness.

Then there's him and him.
I can still see him in the back of my head, every single time I closed my eyes.
Dreams of him, pictures, and memories of our past filled my mind everynight in these past few days.
It's really driving me crazy!

And then there's another him.
Who I'm starting to adore.
But yet, he knows nothing of it.
It's like liking someone from a far away distance and keeping my mouth shut.
Everytime I said to myself, I should just let this go.
Because being with someone like him is never gonna happpen.
I'm not even his type.
Seriously, I'm like SO THE OPPOSITE of the type he usually likes and prefers.
I'm stupid.
I can't do anything right.
I can't be someone else.
And I hate myself for that.
I'm sorry about the past.
Please forgive my stupid stupid past, which I really wished I can take it all back.



It's just another bad karma. I guess..

The huge empty hole..

I can still feel the pain, like it was just a week ago.
Deep inside that gap you left behind.
It hurts so much, but yet you don't even know of it.

Some days I feel the numb-ness.
And some days I can't even hold myself together,
when I'm talking to you.

You were not the same as the others.
Realize it as you will, your different.
You were something more to me.
Someone who made me change.
You've opened up my eyes to other things that I didn't really know about.

But why do I still feel so attached to you?
That's the only one question I don't know how to answer.
The love-able guy you used to be, the guy i used to love.
Doesn't exists anymore..
And yet I'm still taking the trail that leads to no where.
Just a dead end.
No fairy tale happy ending.
I feel so hope-less, stubborn, sometimes I even feel like I'm going crazy.

I'm sorry that I'm not your cup of tea.
I'm actually wasting my life over you.
You don't know that, don't you?
*Sigh..

Like I said, *qoute*
Desperation is when I want you out of my mind..

Short Vaca.

So yeah,
My dad's "gang" arranged a trip to Kimanis.
In case you don't know where is that.
It's located near Kinarut.
And if you don't know where's Kinarut.
It's located near Papar.
AND if you still have no clue where the heck is Papar.
Then I might sugguest that you to just keep reading this post xD

Saturday.
My mom told me to skipped school.
*how nice ey?*
But I wanted to go to school :S
Sadly I can't.
So everyone of us woke up real early ON A SATURDAY,
just to go get groceries.
Funnyyyyy righttttt.

After that.
We left home at 10am i think.
During the ride.
It was okay I guess.
The ride didn't took that much time as I thought it would have ;D
Wasted 1 hour something I think?

Then.
I was quite amazed by the Resort.
Quite classy.
The room is cute xD
BUT!
When we got all the things inside the lil room.
The electicity went out.
And it's like SO DAMN HOT MAN.
I went to take a shower,
an extremely COLD ONE.
It was refreshing.
But still it was still hot.

Boredom comes.
Oh yeah,
THERE'S NO FREAKING RECEPTION OVER THERE.
Only for CERTAIN places.
The food there,
Eatable.
Just that it's not up to standard enough.

Haha.
So today's the check out day.
Everyone dicided to go down to the lake to play!
Weeeeeeee~
Damn the water is so clear!
But it's extremely slippery.
*I almost fell xD*
It was fun though ((:
At least I enjoyed that.

And don't forget my 1st getting drunk ;D
Not very drunkish though.
Unlike my friend,
her face went SUPER RED.
Fuunyyy!

Overall.
It was quite okay ((: