Vanessa . CHY ; ♥ Let It Be Unconditional .

Story of how we got together :P

2011-03-31T07:09:00.000-07:00

I remember it all too well to be forgotten of how we ended up together.
It was a Friday night 16th July 2010.
We went out to for badminton with other friends.
Your kept on bullying me because I'm not very good at badminton :)
And then we went for dinner,
we went to Classic to play pool.
There I confess the feelings that I've been locked up inside me about my current relationship.
The guy was giving me a hard time.
He wasn't understandable of me.
And it was hard to communicate with him either.

You and Jeff kept on giving me advices about confronting him about it.
But I wasn't up to it because I'm too chicken-ish.
But from there I had a change of heart even before Friday I was already head over heels for you.
It was a secret that no one else knew.
From the day on, I felt that you might feel the same way about me too.
But I doubt it though because I got no chance to be with you.
So before we all went home, I invited you, Jeff & Wilson to Kasih Sayang the next day * Saturday *
You picked me up from school the next day with Wilson hiding trying to pull a prank on me =P
You wore a Yellow Mickey Mouse shirt that you got me on my 17th birthday * in white *
After school we went to City Mall for lunch.
Jeff went with Wilson and I went with you :)

We left your car at Jeff's house and we took his car to go my house and up to Kasih Sayang.
When we reached there, I helped you guys took some pictures.
By the time you guys wanna go home, I wasn't willing to let you go :(
I wished you would stay here with me but I know better.
But then the mist are starting to add up and it's dangerous for you guys to drive down.
So I kept on begging for you guys to stay because I wanted to spend more time with you :)
And in the end you guys are forced to stay * heee heeeeeee! *
There I felt it again about you feeling the same way as I did,
because you were even more caring of me than you did before.
So I got abit attached to you then.

I kept on following you around the house that we stayed.
Then only I realized that I really really like you! :)!
But then I was still upset about my current relationship but it was not a big deal though,
because you make me forget about what's happening.
It's undescribable the feelings you make me feel.
So happy, so relax, so calm ^^
We drank a couple of bottles of San Miguel and I got kinda drunk.
And I started to complaint again why is my life so horrible.
Why doesn't he understand me.
All the whys and what.
But you just sat beside me and make me laugh all night :)
Then you guys are tired so you went to your room and I followed =P

You guys were talking about 3 girls or whatever it is that has the number 3 in it.
I wanted to know but you guys didn't let me.
You slept on the hard bed which was your bed,
and I just sat beside you playing with your things.
And then I lay beside you on the bed.
It felt comfortable, warm to be beside you :)
I wanted to stay there longer but I can't because of my headache :(
So I left and went to my room and kept thinking do you feel the same way too?
I woke up early in the morning the next day.
Waiting infront of your door waiting for you to wake up to talk to me :D

By the time we're all packing up and leaving.
You guys decided to go watch a movie after getting home and shower.
So I agreed :)
The whole day I spent with you,
it was so precious to me that you didn't even know of.
Then I thought to myself maybe I do have a chance with you because I kinda feel that you like me too :)
So I went back home, alone.
And I open msn and you came to chat with me.
You asked me how to deal with my current *guy* and I don't know how to deal with it.
But eventually I did deal with him and I ended things.
So then I told you and then you pop the question.
You said " 你愿意跟我在一起吗？" I was so happy that I didn't know what to say!
Of course I said yes la :P!!

We've been together for 8 months & 13 days and we've been through alot and I never want us to end :)

I'm sorry love.

2010-10-07T17:04:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that I caused you pain.
That I made you lost trust in me when you've already trusted no one else except me.
But I did it for a reason.
Never wanted to be the one who ruined your happiness.
But guess now I did..
I'm truly am sorry for that love.
Really wished that I wasn't so sensitive.
But it's just hard for me not to be sensitive around you.
You have to understand that I can't just cry in front of everyone else.
It'll make you look stupid.
Please..
I'm begging you.
Don't stop trusting me.
I swear to you that I won't lie to you anymore!
I'm really sorry that I've upseted you love.
It wasn't on purpose.
Really hope that you'll regained my trust in time..

Such ignorants.

2010-08-14T15:36:00.000-07:00

God gave everyone friends.
And it's up to us to keep them with us.
But in situations, it's not that easy.
For an instants, when your forced to choose between your friends and your partner.
Things just won't mix up and solve the problem.
And in the end your teared up in half.
So the war has began, and it's happening to me.

I have a couple of best-friends who I love to hang out with sometimes.
But sometimes I seriously hate how the way they treat me.
Maybe I look like a weakling to them.
So what?
It does not give them the right to bully someone like me.
The word sisters.
Is referring to true girl friends.
And now, I don't even understand what I really have now.
Are they or are they not my sisters?
Well it seems like they're not.
The word sister that comes out from their mouths says so.
But to me, it's only a huge fraud.
Lacking of girl friends, but not liking the ones I have.
It's hard to be human.
Friends that doesn't think about your feelings when they joke about you is a friend who doesn't deserved to be called YOUR FRIEND.
Though they might be fickel-minded, but they should have known any better than to make fun of others.
It's not funny when your the person that they make their jokes on.
It's rude for me.
Friends that doesn't know how to put themselves into your position is a kind of friend that doesn't know how to understand you.
Put yourself in my shoes for an instant and see what decision would you make.
Give me a break!
Can't I spend more time with someone I love rather than someone who I see almost everyday?
It's just not fair.
And being insulted with the sentence 中色情友.
Is just not fair to me.
I said sorry.
But they took my apologies as a joke.

So you see, I don't know who to talk to anymore.
And I rather be dead then be sharing secrets with them.
Because if I did, they're just gonna talk bad about it.
Screw the ones who say that your their friend.
It won't be long now, because we're all gonna leave each other soon.
And then I wouldn't have to worry about them insulting me again.

Missing the other half under my missletoe.

2009-12-25T04:58:00.000-08:00

Christmast.
Is suppose to be warm, happy and wonderful.
But for some loners,
it's just them spending christmast in a bar, getting wasted.
Or just having christmast dinner by themselves.
It's a very sad feeling.
Unlike me,
I went out for christmast dinner with my family.
And yet,
I still feel like I'm a loner.
It's devastating really, just having the thought of being alone.
I really don't know how much longer I can hold it together.
I need a person!
I'm so tired of the loneliness.

Then there's him and him.
I can still see him in the back of my head, every single time I closed my eyes.
Dreams of him, pictures, and memories of our past filled my mind everynight in these past few days.
It's really driving me crazy!

And then there's another him.
Who I'm starting to adore.
But yet, he knows nothing of it.
It's like liking someone from a far away distance and keeping my mouth shut.
Everytime I said to myself, I should just let this go.
Because being with someone like him is never gonna happpen.
I'm not even his type.
Seriously, I'm like SO THE OPPOSITE of the type he usually likes and prefers.
I'm stupid.
I can't do anything right.
I can't be someone else.
And I hate myself for that.
I'm sorry about the past.
Please forgive my stupid stupid past, which I really wished I can take it all back.

It's just another bad karma. I guess..

The huge empty hole..

2009-10-22T06:43:00.000-07:00

I can still feel the pain, like it was just a week ago.
Deep inside that gap you left behind.
It hurts so much, but yet you don't even know of it.

Some days I feel the numb-ness.
And some days I can't even hold myself together,
when I'm talking to you.

You were not the same as the others.
Realize it as you will, your different.
You were something more to me.
Someone who made me change.
You've opened up my eyes to other things that I didn't really know about.

But why do I still feel so attached to you?
That's the only one question I don't know how to answer.
The love-able guy you used to be, the guy i used to love.
Doesn't exists anymore..
And yet I'm still taking the trail that leads to no where.
Just a dead end.
No fairy tale happy ending.
I feel so hope-less, stubborn, sometimes I even feel like I'm going crazy.

I'm sorry that I'm not your cup of tea.
I'm actually wasting my life over you.
You don't know that, don't you?
*Sigh..

Like I said, *qoute*
Desperation is when I want you out of my mind..

Short Vaca.

2009-07-26T04:19:00.000-07:00

So yeah,
My dad's "gang" arranged a trip to Kimanis.
In case you don't know where is that.
It's located near Kinarut.
And if you don't know where's Kinarut.
It's located near Papar.
AND if you still have no clue where the heck is Papar.
Then I might sugguest that you to just keep reading this post xD

Saturday.
My mom told me to skipped school.
*how nice ey?*
But I wanted to go to school :S
Sadly I can't.
So everyone of us woke up real early ON A SATURDAY,
just to go get groceries.
Funnyyyyy righttttt.

After that.
We left home at 10am i think.
During the ride.
It was okay I guess.
The ride didn't took that much time as I thought it would have ;D
Wasted 1 hour something I think?

Then.
I was quite amazed by the Resort.
Quite classy.
The room is cute xD
BUT!
When we got all the things inside the lil room.
The electicity went out.
And it's like SO DAMN HOT MAN.
I went to take a shower,
an extremely COLD ONE.
It was refreshing.
But still it was still hot.

Boredom comes.
Oh yeah,
THERE'S NO FREAKING RECEPTION OVER THERE.
Only for CERTAIN places.
The food there,
Eatable.
Just that it's not up to standard enough.

Haha.
So today's the check out day.
Everyone dicided to go down to the lake to play!
Weeeeeeee~
Damn the water is so clear!
But it's extremely slippery.
*I almost fell xD*
It was fun though ((:
At least I enjoyed that.

And don't forget my 1st getting drunk ;D
Not very drunkish though.
Unlike my friend,
her face went SUPER RED.
Fuunyyy!

Overall.
It was quite okay ((:

Why must they live like this? )):

2009-07-19T01:47:00.000-07:00

I feel so sad for those old folks.
Ecspecially those that still has to work for a living at this age )):

Beggers.
Which are in their 70s or 60s OR 50s.
I pity them so so so much.

The unfortunates.
I wish I can do somehting to help them!

Those homeless.
I really wish I can help in someway ><"

Sometimes I feel so damn sad for them.
I want to do something to help.
But, I'm just a kid.
I can only do minor things to help )):
And it's so not enough.

Everynight I prayed to God.
For the sick, the poor, and those who are in sorrows.
Hope that God will somehow answer my prayers.

I hope that maybe in the future.
When I'm working.
And I can balance everything.
I would love to donate ((:

Won't you help me help them too? ;D

Upcoming New Moon ;D

2009-07-04T01:24:00.000-07:00

Does this count as PMS? ;P

2009-07-03T04:06:00.000-07:00

Monday 29/6/09
The QUIET-ness starts to take its place in my system.

Tuesday 30/6/09
COMPLETELY silent during school, and so the emo-ing starts.

Wednesday 1/7/09
Cried at night for no reasons, feeling extremely frustrated for no reasons, feeling depress FOR NO REASONS! )):

Thursday 2/7/09
Friend's birthday ; Almost cried in school . Cried in the evenings due to :
Frustration from school.
It's all HER FAULT.
And I regreted to wan to even KNOW HIM.
If it wasnt for her I wouldn't be so embarassed everytime I sees his friends or HIM.
*Ugh.

Friday 3/7/09 *TODAY
Feeling very very emo-ish in the morning.
Feeling betta after recess"FOOD"
Guess I was hungry xD
The End?

Are they blind?

2009-06-14T03:42:00.000-07:00

I am..
Pretty much.

No wait.
Yeah.
Pretty much dissapointed.

Garry and Eshley wanted to CRY when they saw us up there.
On the stage.
Dancing.
Full with perfection.

Yet.
Guess the judges ain't loving our performance.
Myb it's the clothes we were wearing.
"Bao go zhong" comparing to the other schools.
So yeah ==

I so can't believe that THEY got a prize and we didn't even get ONE.
So so so.
Sad~

FINALLY.

2009-06-11T04:30:00.000-07:00

Hoho xp
Our dance.
Is FINALLY done.
But~
Still on the road to perfection though ((:

And yeah,
I stopped asking myself "Why" *previous post*
I gave up ((:
Yeepiee for me babeh!
Hahaha.

Okay~
It's so freaking suckish that we have to go back to school during the holiday.
I'm so FREAKING EXCITED about this sunday 14th June.
It's THE DAY.
I can't even eat nor can I sleep in the night )):

So, hope that we can get it!

Why?

2009-05-23T04:08:00.000-07:00

You.
Still wonders in my mind and haunts me in my dreams.

You.
Are the one that I misses and longs for.

You.
Are the one that I know I can never get back with.

You.
Didn't even tried to save our relationship when YOU had the chance to.

You.
Made my worries grew whenever your out.

You.
Makes my heart beats faster when I see you or even having the thought of YOU in my mind.

You.
Made me ask myself the question Why?

Recentlyss.

2009-03-12T00:20:00.000-07:00

Yo bloggie.

Hmm.
I've made this deal with a friend of mine.
9months without involving in any relationships.
Meaning to say,
I'm not allowed to date untill 2010.

Yesterday in class,
we played truth or dare.
And, Vivian dared Jun2 to do the "S"
Joyce demo it though XD
But Jun chicken out.
It was so funny.
We dared Nathalie to give "Amanda" a hug.
And "Amanda" was like.
Wth?!?!
Lmaoo!
Like, what the hell is going on?!?

Yeahh babeh~
My mom finally let me get contecs (:
Hurrayy!
But I have to used my own cash to get it though :-S
Darkish blue (:
Loving it!

Today was my EVER first time of, escaping from the classroom XD!
I asked Ophelia if she wanted to go down to check out the pass year's form5'mers.
So she said sure, then!
Joyce wanted to tag along.
So then Joyce ran up and she was like shouting to ask for permission to go to the toilet.
And our teacher was like.
WHY ARE U SHOUTING?
Joycee said.
"I dont want to let Ophelia go first!"
After that, a few of us.
Sneak out from class by the back door x)
It was like so scarryy.
Always wondering if our teacher would know where we've gone.
It was fun though (:
And We've got to see some of them.

Yeah, I passed my Sc, Eng & Maths. But failed sivik =.=
For now. hahahahaha.

Another Update xD

2009-02-18T04:43:00.000-08:00

Lalala~
Let mee seee.
What happen these past few weeks since my last update..
Oh kay.
I went through a really suckish valentine's day.
Don't get me started on it.
It was like.
Omg mann..
I felt so useless for not asking him.
Anywayss.
I think he doesn't cares about it though.
So, continuee (:
I am really starting to fall back in class.
I mean seriously.
I suckkk!
I seriously need TUITION.
And yeah,
I'm starting to loveee my classmates =PP
I forgot what had happen in class today.
I bet Nathalie"my classmate"
will blog it out (:
I am so so so in love with the character Edward Cullen, from Twilight!
And im really looking forward to their next movie!
New moon.
I read the book though.
It's so tempting to know about what will the next book will say!
Can't waitt to get my hands on them!
Um.
I dislikes my bm, maths, account teacher =.=
I don't get what they teaches.
SERIOUSLY.
That's why I said I SUCK.
Oh well.
Just have to endure form4.
Twilight twilight twilight.
It's my new obsession ^o^
Lol!
I thought I have alot to write.
But it seems like I don't XD
Okay then.
Update next time (:
Tata ^^

UPDATE? (:

2009-01-11T15:49:00.000-08:00

Yo! world!
Lol (:

It's been sooooo long since I've updated my bloggie~
So now I'm updating it!
Guess wad?
I'm still SINGLE!
Yayyys for meee!
Crushes comes and go for me x)
Still ain't dating yet.

Um.. okay?
Today.. It's the 1st time..
I poked Daryl! ((:
[Daryl is this mr.perfect xD]
Still working on my bravery to talk to him ^^

Hmmms. I've finally got my braces?
My friend Natalia said I looked mature in it.
My friend Aaron said it looks cute.
My other friends said I looked UGLY in it @.@
Continue-ing..
I gotten 2A's, 1B, 4C'ssss in my PMR result (:
And I'm in the same class as Aaron and Garry!
4 years straight, weeeeeeeeee~

And! This year I'm turning 16 (:
Meaning, SWEET SIXTEEN babeh!
I'm starting to like my class? xD
Mannn..! Form1s are getting smaller sizes each year @.@
Maybe in the next generation BABIES sizes form1s!
Check that out!
Lol!

I have to thank my bestfriend Natalia for giving the yellow nail polish for my last year's bday pressie!
I totally need that!
So yeah, CNY is coming SOON!
And I'm going to Taiwan (:
Hmms.

What's new in my life again?
Let me seeeeeeeeee.
*Thinking.
Emmmss. Emptyness.
I mean seriously.
I thought I was gonna write alot of crappp.
But gues i ran out of things to write (:

Tata for now XD

The now me..

2008-12-03T05:43:00.000-08:00

*sigh

I realize that i've changed..
I do stuff diffrently now..
Even my parents noticed my random changes!

Sometimes I glances back at the past.
But, i just take a deep breathe and erase it from my mind =/
My holiday kinda sucks, i got nothing to look forward to*except kl trip*
Even the lil things excites me!
Example"GOING TO THE SUPERMARKET"
I know, it sounds lame.
But what to do?
I got nothing to do during my holiday!
I got a up coming dance performance on New Year's eve.
But im still waiting to start practicing.
Damn..
I miss my friends!
And this change for me is good ;D

Random blogg.

2008-11-19T03:54:00.000-08:00

Um, okay..
I don't usually write out how ii really feel about this topic. *cause it makes me cry*
It's about my past "Relationships".

I really don't know how to start this actually ;P
Um..
I jst feel that ii've grown up since when ii had jst started dating, which was during ii was turning 13 ;D
I was jst this "flower-hearted girl".
Yeah, im saying that ii was flower-hearted.
haha!
I remember in 2006, ii had 1,2,3.... wait, wait.
Let me list out the names of my previous boyfriends*iif i still remember some?*
heeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeee ;D
1st.ii called him Tung Tung
2nd.Aaron Yk*i guess?*& Ah Xiong ; So yeah, u can sayy that ii one leg step on 2 boats x)
3rd.here comes the commiting boyfriend name Qian Tyng. "lasted for 7months&24days"
4th.Alex Teo"he didn't find me for like A WHOLE MONTH! due to credit probs"
5th.then it was Lee Yung Chong the notty notty boy"only lasted for 3days" XD!
6th.Thomas liew"lasted for 5months something"
7th.Alex Teo*AGAIN* "this time is due to school diciplin"
8th.Clement lee, long story.
While still together with Clement there was"stanley chin, Andrew Teo & RAYMOND VOO & Alex Teo*AGAIN; don't worry it's the end between us* & the most memorable bside clement is Scott Lu Xiao Yang"
After that, it's Clement till the end.
So until now,
im still single.

Um, [All of this is true about my last relationship]
I do feel disapointed that me and Clement didn't really lasted long*although we broke our record & we lasted for 1YEAR&3months&3days*He's just this sweet sweet, funny, do crazy stuff to make me laugh kind of guyy, he'll make this puffy face when his angry*it's really cute*and ii love playing with his hair*cause it's so soft*ii love love! to pinch his tummy and his face cause it's chubby and kyyute!& he ust cares alot. ii love that. He just always always makes me laugh. Not ONE phone conversation he did not hear me laughing like crazy! I remember he love the cheesecakes that ii always makes for him, and he told me he loved the taste of my spagetti sauce that me and my mom made for last christmast. I made a cheesecake for him for christmast last year. When on new year day, we went out the whole night and it was also our 8th anniversary so, it was really special cause it was my 1st time watching fireworks with my lover. During CNY, he came to my house and all of my aunts and friends told my mom that me and clement looked alike alot. "funny" and on valentine day, he bought me this cute pink nike bottle, he helped me reload my phone & he bought chlothes for my maple character! ii gave him a really b-lated valentine day present. it was chocolate rice balls, i made it myself cause ii know he loves chocolates. ii gave it to him in a love shape container. On our 1year anniversary, he came to muh house and we ust hang out and i thought him how to make his favourite cheesecake and ii even let him bring it home. his birthday, ii bought a shirt for him. but i guess it was kinda not his type ;X after that. He went to my ballet concert! ii was really happy about that! ;D. So, i remembered the last time we went out before we broke up it was to my ballet performance at 1borneo. He brought me to starbucks to tie my hair and he bought himself a milk shake. ii guess he drank too much and got a tummy-ache. so he went home early.
Um.. after that, it was all tears for me. it was over.*tears dripping down on my cheek, wipe it*
ii confess, the shirt he gave me..his shirt, i still hug it to sleep everynight. without him, my life really just seem so empty even though ii have my friends. it has been 3months and several days since it ended, and ii still miss him ; ii miss his hugs, his smile, his laughter, his cute cute voice, his crazy acts when he tried to disturb me, ii miss the way how he always cared about me. But now I decided not to find him. It's because it really hurts for me to do so. ii guess, memories of him is a need to remembered cause he made me really so so so*unlimited so* happy. ii don't mind if he reads this, its okay =]

Kay..
I think that's enough.
I have to stop now cause ii don't want my sisters to see my face all wet with tears.

Quiet an AWFUL day =(

2008-10-25T04:55:00.000-07:00

*sigh.

My day didn't really start it out the way I think it would.
Heres what happen,
before I was awake i heard my mom and my sis talking and laughing LOUDLY right outside my room.
So, when i woke up. I was kinda ANNOYED by them.
Then we went to the saturday market over at the Kolombong Giant.
During the ride, my grandma annoyed me EVEN MORE!
What a way to start my day ey?
After that,
my mom brought me and my sisters to go watch High School Musical3.
It was quiet NICE.
At least better than High School Musical2.
When I was watching the movie,
I suddenly felt so down for no reason.
Then I got home and I sat infornt of the laptop and I felt like CRYING.
I then told my friend about it, so he cheered me up.
So after that I kinda felt not so moody anymore but still, my tummy and my head still hurts ALOT!
At night, my bestfriend gave me this youtube link.
She told me to watch it and I did.
It was so freaking funny yet at the same time very "fei" x)

bhaaa. I don't know what to write already now.
Hmsss.

My first ;D

2008-10-20T04:25:00.000-07:00

I realize that,
life is not always fun when someone's hurt.
I realize that,
love is not to play with.
I realize that,
Break ups, might wound our heart but it'l just makes us much more stronger than before.
I realize that,
after my break up, I got myself a new bestfriend =)
And,
I realize that,
sometimes god do answer my prayers ;D